Pixar Episode
by Bobby South
Summary: Favourite characters from the Pixar movies in a Muppet Show episode.
1. Introduction

INT. GUESS ROOM

A knock can be heard. The door opens and Scooter comes in.

SCOOTER:

John Ratzenberger? Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Ratzenberger.

Ratzenberger nervously and slowly gets up.

RATZENBERGER:

Thank goodness for that, Scooter! I didn't sleep well last night.

SCOOTER:

Why not?

Ratzenberger points to his wardrobe and we find Mike and Scully roaring and putting on scary faces. Scooter and Ratzenberger scream and run out of the room. The monsters laugh at this and high-five each other.

INT. THE MUPPET SHOW INTRO

At the Muppet Show sign, Kermit the Frog appears out of the 'O'.

KERMIT:

It's the Muppet Show, with our very special guest stars John Ratzenberger and the stars of Pixar! Yay!

(Run normal intro until – ) CUT TO: Statler and Waldorf on the theatre box.

STATLER:

You think they'll be anything different or special?

WALDORF:

Well, what could this show possibly offer?

The Queen Ant from _A Bug's Life_ arrives and sits on the edge of the balcony.

QUEEN ANT:

How about a royal visit from the Queen from _A Bug's Life?_

Statler and Waldorf joining the Queen's laughing.

(Resume normal intro until – ) CUT TO: The Muppet Show sign coming down, with Gonzo holding a trumpet. When he blows it, Marlin, Dory and Nemo shoot out of it.


	2. Gonzo the Great's Challenge

INT. MUPPET THREATE – STAGE

Kermit walks on the stage.

KERMIT:

Hi ho and welcome again to the Muppet Show. We have a special guest tonight and more tonight, all the way from Pixar! But, first of all, here's our opening number!

Kermit leaves the stage and the curtain reveals Carl Frederickson's house with balloons floating above the air from up. It's surrounded by kites below. On the house is Gonzo the Great with a bunch of chickens holding kites.

GONZO:

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight I will perform the most daring task I have ever down. With Mr. Frederickson's kind permission, I will release the balloons and will replace them with kites. Then we'll see if they can still fly in the air.

CARL (OOV):  
WHAT?

Carl Frederickson opens the door and angrily walks to Gonzo.

CARL (CONT'D):

Your Kermit begged me to use my house just to float, not to experiment.

GONZO:

Don't worry, Mr. Frederickson. You and your house will get to Langley Falls in one peace. Now, please, I must have silence! Okay, girls, get the kites ready and cut off the balloons.

Gonzo and the chickens grabbed the kites and cut off the balloons. Gonzo and the hens scream as they hold onto the kites and are flying in the air, leaving Carl and the house to fall down!

GONZO (CONT'D):

Oh, sorry! (Clears his throat to the audience). A change of plan! We will sing _Let's go fly a –_

The wind grows stronger and sends Gonzo and the chickens off the stage.

GONZO (CONT'D):

(Screaming) KITE!

CUT TO: the theatre box.

QUEEN ANT:

Well, that didn't seem to go very well.

STATLER:

Well, there's nothing in the sky now.

WALDORF:

I prefer it that way, don't you?

Waldorf, Statler and the Queen Ant laugh at this.

INT. BACKSTAGE

Kermit sees Gonzo and the chickens fly over him and crash into the dustbins. They all moan.

Kermit angrily turns to the control box.

KERMIT:

I warned you, Harry! Not too much vacuum!

But Crazy Harry just laughs as he walks past Kermit. Then the frog sees Carl flying, holding onto some balloons, above him very quietly.

KERMIT (CONT'D):

Oh, Mr. Frederickson. I'm so sorry about your house. I'll pay you however much you want.

But Carl just remains silent and flies upwards. Kermit sighs.

KERMIT (CONT'D):

Boy, why can't any night get off to a good start?


	3. Remy and the Swedish Chef

INT. KITCHEN

The Swedish Chef is in the kitchen singing his own theme tune with two metal spoons. He soon throws them behind him.

SWEDISH CHEF:

(Speaks in Swedish until English:) Ratatouille. Now lem mee gat reedy.

The Chef turns around. We see Remy from _Ratatouille_ walking on the table.

REMY:

(To the audience) Shh! I've always wanted to be here on a chef TV show. Like the chef said, I'm going to show you how ratatouille works! Now pay attention.

Remy gets his gear ready and he begins to work on the ratatouille. Then the Swedish Chef turns around and drops his gear down to the floor as he sees Remy. He grabs a saucepan and he cruses in Swedish as he chases the blue rat around the kitchen.

Remy comes back on the table and makes a model of himself out of Danish Blue cheese. He jumps off the table and the Chef finds the model and he picks it up. As soon as the chef is gone, Remy comes back and finishes making his ratatouille. Then he hears running footsteps coming so he gets off again. It's the Chef shouting angrily. He throws the model cheese rat through the window, breaking it. Then Kermit the Frog arrives.

KERMIT:

Hey, Swedish Chef! What's going on? A lot of people are going hungry and they won't work on hungry stomachs! (He looks at the bowl of ratatouille). Well, at least, you've got the bowl of ratatouille for Mr. Ratzenberger ready.

Kermit takes the bowl out of the kitchen. The Chef sees Remy the rat on top of the bread bin grinning at him. He gasps and runs out.

INT. BACKSTAGE – DAY

Kermit gives Ratzenberger his ratatouille.

KERMIT:

I'm sorry, Mr. Ratzenberger. Chef's not usually like this.

RATZENBERGER:

Well, at least this ratatouille didn't take long as building the pyramids.

KERMIT:

(Under his breath) Or this theatre.

Then the Swedish Chef runs in the room. He speaks panicky in Swedish. Kermit puts his arm around him calmly.

KERMIT (CONT'D):

It's all right, Swedish Chef. I'm sorry if I was a little short with you. But Mr. Ratzenberger really loves this ratatouille.

RATZENBERGER:

Yeah, for a Swedish chef, you make a cracking good French ratatouille.

Remy was moodily sitting on Kermit's desk; no one notices him.

REMY:

(Under his breath) Thank you for the compliant (!)


	4. Veterinarian's Hospital

INT. VETERINARIAN'S HOSTIPAL

ANNOUNCER (V/O):

And now Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

Nurse Piggy is feeling rather thirsty so she drinks a jar filled with red liquid, but she doesn't like it so she spits it out. Then she joins Dr. Bob and Nurse Janice.

DR. BOB:

Who's the next patient, Nurse Janice?

JANICE:

Not patience, Dr. Bob. Patients. Five patients.

Dr. Bob takes the cover of the bed to reveal the Incredibles Family.

DR. BOB:

It's the Incredibles! The family of superheroes. What is it that hurts you and how did it happen?

MR. INCREDIBLE:

Well, we were on a mission to stop Bomb Voyage blowing up this city. I first tried to open the door and I did, but at the cost of my back!

DR. BOB:

So you have muscle cramp in your back? You should go to a spa.

ELASTIGIRL:

Then I tried to stretch my arms to deal with the switches, then Bomb Voyage sent a bomb to blow me up like any intruder would. Now all my arms are burnt.

DR. BOB:

Maybe my treatment for you would be to give you these two tickets for this Saturday's bonfire!

He and the nurses laugh at this.

NURSE PIGGY:

(To Miss Incredible) Now, my dear, what's troubling you?

VIOLET:

On the mission I was with my family, I tried to disable the electricity, so I went invisible to switch it off and I did it, but Bomb Voyage's minions came to hunt me, so I went invisible and I led them past, but I stupidly hid where the nuclear powers was stored.

DASH:

You don't admit your mistakes _that_ easily often.

VIOLET:

Shut up!

NURSE JANICE:

(To Master Incredible) Now, sonny, what's up with you?

DASH:

Well, I have the most painful pains off all! I was running to disable the bombs off the building to save the city. And I did save the city, but the bombs went off anyway and brought the wall on my legs! Now my legs are broken.

DR. BOB:

Now what about cutie over here?

As Dr. Bob tries to coo him, Jack-Jack gets upset and turns to fire. The doctor's paw gets burned. Then Jack-Jack turns into the monster he grows into when he's angry. He pushes Dr. Bob away and goes for him, but Mr. Incredible grabs his baby and Elastigirl takes him from the father and comes down, comforting him. The monster turns to back his normal body.

The nurses help Dr. Bob up.

ANNOUNCER (V/O):

And so once again Dr. Bob and the Nurses have more trouble than they deserve. Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob say...

DR. BOB:

Boy, our work has been cut out.

Then Agent Rick Dicker arrives.

DICKER:

Not as much as my paperwork's been cut out.

He reveals his paperwork cut out like a fun activity. Everyone laughs at this.

CUT TO: The theatre box.

STATLER:

You know what else is cut out?

WALDORF/QUEEN:

What?

STATLER:

These prices for this rubbish show.

Waldorf, Statler and the Queen Ant laugh at this.

INT. BACKSTAGE

Rowlf the Dog, Nurse Piggy and Nurse Janice pass through Kermit.

KERMIT:

Hey, guys, that was a great show. Well done.

Then Ratzenberger comes down, looking woozily.

KERMIT (CONT'D):

Are you all right, Mr. Ratzenberger?

RATZENBERGER:

I just spoke to my agent and it's given me a lot of headaches. I just need a paracetamol and a glass of water.

KERMIT:

Okay. (Turns to Rowlf). Uh, Rowlf. You're still in your doctor's uniform. Could you get them please?

ROWLF:

Well, ladies, you heard him. (Then Miss Piggy and Janice run off in their own ways). Why does the doctor have to do all the work?


	5. WALLE at Muppets News Flash

INT. MUPPETS NEWS FLASH

The Newsman runs to his desk.

NEWSMAN:

Here is a Muppets News Flash. Global Warming and Climate Change is just increasing every day. So scientists made these Waste Allocation Load Lifter - Earth Class machines, or WALL-Es for short, to help reduce the landfills, like this guy here.

While the Newsman is speaking, a WALL-E machine is moving around the desk, picking up lots of rubbish and putting it into waste chunks.

NEWSMAN (CONT'D):

They are completely unbreakable and incapable of making mistakes.

Then WALL-E arrives at the desk and takes every scrap of paper. The Newsman angrily tries to snatch the papers back, but WALL-E gobbles them up and turns them into a waste block. He also takes the glasses off the Newsman. And he tries to take his shirt off. The Newsman is forced to take it off. But WALL-E is not finished and he comes for the Newsman.

NEWSMAN (CONT'D):

Oh, no. Stay away from me! Stay away from me!

He runs out, followed by WALL-E.


	6. Flik at Muppet Labs

INT. MUPPET LABS

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker are standing behind their desk, working on a new invention. It's a sort of a metal box with a chute. It looks connected to a TV, a radio and a computer.

HONEYDEW:

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today.

BEAKER:

Oh!

HONEYDEW:

People are using more energy these days and fossil fuels are getting less and less. So this device has found a new way to create new energy. Show them our new energy resources, Beaker.

With Beaker beaking, he shows them a pile of rubbish – apple cores, peeled carrots, dusts, cloths and everything that is non-recyclable.

HONEYDEW (CONT'D):

Yes, I know what you're thinking, but once we've put this in, it will reduce landfill and use plenty of energy without increasing global warming. Pour it in, Beaker.

Beaker puts the bag of rubbish in the machine.

HONEYDEW (CONT'D):

As you can see, it's all connected to the TV, the radio and the computer. If I turn this machine on...

He turns the machine and the TV comes on, the radio plays Mozart's "Symphony 40" and the computer screen comes on.

HONEYDEW (CONT'D):

Ho ho! It works! We did it, Beaker!

But then the TV, radio and the computer screens explode!

HONEYDEW (CONT'D):

Turn the machine off, Beaker! (Beaker does so). What's the problem? I tested it before.

Honeydew opens the machine and the rubbish falls out and something living in it. It's Flik the ant! He looks up and screams.

FLIK:

Oh, I'm sorry. Princess Atta sent me to find food and I went to find some and found some in the landfill and I thought I'd take some for my colony but I got picked up by in a sack and then I nearly got crushed by wires and stuff!

HONEYDEW:

And that's all we have today at Muppet Labs, I'm afraid.

CUT TO: THE THEATRE BOX.

QUEEN ANT:

I know that ant. He's Flik! What is he doing?

WALDORF:

Wait! He's got the right idea.

STATLER:

What idea is that?

WALDORF:

He should get the rest of his colony and bring this whole theatre down!

The boys laugh, but the Queen gives them a mean stare.

QUEEN ANT:  
_That's _my colony you're talking about!


	7. Fozzie Bear

INT. MUPPET THEATRE

Kermit walks on the stage.

KERMIT:

Hi, everyone. Now, to keep this really entertaining evening going on, here he is – the wonderful, talented Mr. Fozzie Bear!

Kermit leaves the stage. The curtains reveal Fozzie Bear.

FOZZIE:

Hey, thank you. Thank you. Love you. I know my recent jokes have been rather unfunny...

STATLER:

More like, ever since you started, your jokes have been so boring that boring itself is interesting.

He and Waldorf laugh at this.

FOZZIE (CONT'D):

...but anyway to make my jokes funnier tonight, here is funny man John Ratzenberger!

Ratzenberger smiles as he joins Fozzie. Audience applauds him.

FOZZIE (CONT'D):

So how are you doing tonight, Mr. Ratzenberger?

RATZENBERGER:

Well, Fozzie, I'm doing good. I feel good!

Then a hook appears from above Ratzenberger's head. Without looking, he bangs it up in the head.

FOZZIE:

Oh, sorry. That hook's not suppose to be there. I don't know how it got there.

RATZENBERGER:

That's okay, Fozzie. I still feel good. Bumping my head on that hook makes me feel alive!

FOZZIE:

Ha ha! That's very good! So Mr. Ratzenberger, who would you say is the king of baseball?

RATZENBERGER:

I'd say, Batman!

VOICE (OOV):

I'd say the ones who play baseball in the army.

Fozzie freezes and looks around, but Ratzenberger laughs at this.

FOZZIE:

All right, moving on. How can you tell if people are bold?

RATZENBERGER:

Because they're brave and strong?

FOZZIE:

No, if they have no hair.

He laughs at this. Ratzenberger doesn't find that joke funny.

SAME VOICE (OOV):

Well, what about the women, then?

RATZENBERGER:

He's got a point.

FOZZIE:

(Getting rather angry now). Right! My best one yet. Who's in charge of making sure every rapper gets their songs made?

RATZENBERGER:

Either their agent or their manager, I suppose.

FOZZIE:

No, Santa Claus! (Laughs very loudly).

SAME VOICE (OOV):

It's the people cheering them and loving them that keeps their careers going, you know.

Fozzie really loses it. He sees the hook and pulls it down. A tow truck rips through the background and it flips over. It's Mater from _Cars_. Lighting McQueen appears out of the background and races towards him.

MCQUEEN:

Mater, you've really done it now. Let's go!

But the audience gives them applause.

MATER:

You hear that? We're a success!

RATZENBERGER:

And you're even better than this bear over here.

Fozzie angrily leaves the stage.

CUT TO: THE THEATRE BOX.

STATLER:

I think this is the best show the bear's ever done.

WALDORF:

Yeah, I agree.

Then Fozzie appears behind them.

FOZZIE:

You got what you want, so I'll get what _I_ want.

Fozzie slams two blackberry pies right in each of their faces. He walks off, laughing and feeling proud of himself.


	8. Pigs in Space

EXT. SPACE

ANNOUNCER (V/O):

And now, _Pigs in Space!_

The _Swinetrek_ flies by. As the announcer talks, the heads of the crew members appear.

ANNOUNCER (V/O/CONT'D):

Starring the brave Captain Link Hogthrob, the glorious First Mate Piggy and the eccentric Dr. Strangepork!

INT. _SWINETREK_

ANNOUNCER (V/O/CONT'D):

When last we left our heroes, they escaped with their lives. I wished this show would run previously clips so I wouldn't have this pathetic job!

The crew are at the controls.

HOGTHROB:

Boy, do I feel exhausted from escaping those terrible creatures from that planet!

PIGGY:

They were crabs from a beach on our home planet, you idiot! We had to cancel our vacation short a whole day earlier because of you!

HOGTHROB:

Well, I feel tired all the same. I don't want any more battles or wars...

Then they hear a knock on the door.

HOGTHROB (CONT'D):

...or visitors.

The doors open and Buzz Lightyear runs in. He holds his laser to the crew.

BUZZ:

Halt! Who are you?

STRANGEPORK:

You're on the _Swinetrek_. I'm Dr. Strangepork and this is Captain Hogthrob and First Mate Piggy.

BUZZ:

Do you serve under Evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance?

HOGTHROB:

Galactic what?

Buzz turns his laser off.

BUZZ:

Okay! Did you see some strange ships go passing by?

Then two more figures come running by – Woody the cowboy and Jessie the cowgirl.

WOODY:

There you are! Come on, Buzz! Let's go!

BUZZ:

But, Woody, we need to find Evil Emperor Zurg!

WOODY:

Buzz, for the hundredth time, you are a TOY!

The alarm wails again. Strangeprok reads the screen.

STRANGEPROK:

According to the computer, we have an intruder on this ship and he's at the back!

They all look behind to see a strange figure that looks like Zurg!

STRANGE FIGURE:

(Gonzo's voice) I, Evil Emperor Berk, shall rule the universe!

JESSIE:

Not if I can help it!

Jessie gets her lasso rope out and throws it to Berk! She pulls him out and wraps him in rope.

BUZZ:

Good job, Jessie! Now let's get him back to the Star Command!

HOBTHROB:

Hold on a minute! We'll take him to jail for you.

WOODY:

When we take him to "Star Command", we'll tell them you helped us and we'll share the money.

PIGGY:

(Anxious) How much money is the prize? I need it! I have a bill of twenty make-overs and cosmetic surgeries for –

STRANGEPORK:

Stop! Evil Emperor Berk's escaped!

Everyone turns to see that he's right. Berk's nowhere in sight.

WOODY:

Now we've got to find him again!

BUZZ:

_Swinetrek_, consider our agreement withdrawn! (To Woody and Jessie) Come on!

JESSIE:

Yee-haw!

And the three of them leave the crew alone.

STRANGEPORK:

Well, that didn't go very well, did it?

HOGTHROB:

I wish I was back on that planet being chased by those crabs on the beach.

PIGGY:

Oh, brother!

EXT. SPACE

ANNOCUNER (V/O):

That's it now for _Pigs in Space_!

The _Swinetrek_ files off into space.


	9. Credits

INT. THEATRE

Kermit walks on the stage.

KERMIT:

Well, won't tonight be a night to remember?

WALDORF:

Yes, it will be. A night to report to a psychiatrist.

He and Statler laugh at this.

KERMIT:

Please join me in a round of applause for our very special guest star: Mr. John Ratzenberger!

Ratzenberger walks on the stage.

RATZENBERGER:

Thank you very much for having me tonight, Kermit.

KERMIT:

Not only are you one of the very best guests we ever had, but also one of the very nice.

VARIOUS VOICES:

Hey, what about me? Yeah, what about us?

Then all the stars from the Pixar movies run on the stage, knocking Kermit down. They are greeted with applause. Kermit picks himself up.

KERMIT:

Well, we'll see you next time on the _Muppet Show_.

(Credits roll). CUT TO: The theatre box.

STATLER:

You know, I think we should get a medal.

WALDORF:

Why?

STATLER:

For surviving through this terrible show!

They laugh at this.

THE END


End file.
